Family of OriginsProject description Rubric will be provided. This will require conversations between me and the writer. The writer will need to review the syllabus, review my genogram and then decide what theyfeel would be best to write about in regards to what the rubric requires. In order to obtain the information, the writer again, will need toconversate with me to get answers. This may be done via email or over the phone. No specific references are required, but if we can use some to tieinto the paper to help support my information said, that would be best. For example if I say during the time my grandparents were married, it wasgreat depression?I?d like to find a source to support that.OU 515-71 Marriage & Family I: Intro to Family Studies Family of Origin PaperHave you started? Help! How am I supposed to write a 20 page paper?! Writing a graduate paper on your family might seem like a daunting, terrifying and almost impossible thing to do. To help you suit up for thechallenge, I?ve listed some of the common issues, strengths and triumphs found in my own family, in student families and in client familiesthroughout my 25 year career as a marriage & family therapist and educator. I trust that once you read the guidance I?ve prepared for you, you mightfind yourself already equipped with the information to tackle the big questions in your multi-generational family processes. There are 29 areas listed and 21 days before your paper is due. Heavens no! You are not being asked to write on all 29 areas. In fact, you mightfind that just a couple of areas sparked your interest well enough to write 20 pages! Whether you choose 2, 10 or 20 is entirely up to you.However, the more items you choose, the greater will be your challenge in writing a focused paper. What I want most from you is for you to think, towrite and to feel. Yes, I said FEEL. This is YOUR FAMILY you?re talking about! You will feel something about what you?re discovering. What is it? The aim is to write with focus and clarity. Each paragraph should logically lead to the next. Apply course concepts using real-life examples andstories. Your end product will be a compelling demonstration of your ability to analyze and synthesize family things. I encourage you NOT to wait until the last minute. Make notesto yourself about your family while you are still constructing your genogram. Ofcourse, your personal experience as a family member will be a point of reference as well.Evaluation and Grading: All papers should be TYPED, DOUBLE-SPACED, CAREFULLY PROOF-READ, and should give evidence of considerable thought andreflection. It would be wise not to underestimate the timeit will take to complete this paper; therefore, you are encouraged to START WRITING. Goodwriting is writing and re-writing. Excellent writing is writing, re-thinking and re-writing. Please see Appendix A(attached) for more details on grading.1. Conduct the InvestigationReview Appendix in the Genograms Book (p. 293 ? 299)Gather information about your family of origin that includes vital statistics such as names, ages, birth orders, health status, marriage (couplestatus), circumstances of birth, causes of death, onset of illnesses (physical or psychological) of at least three generations of family members.(See number 4 below for more information).Refer to the GenogramFormat: Symbols, Family Interaction Patterns, Medical History, Other Family Information (See also Genogram Grading Scale in syllabus).2. Cultural Variables (Vertical Stressors and Emotional Load)The cultural impact on family development involves vertical stressors: classism, racism, sexism, religion, education (or lack of) How has this impacted the multigenerational context of your family? What information is known and unknown about each generation? What are the cultural variables in the family? Knowing that much more is caught than taught, what was caught in your family about how to interact within and outside of the family? What were the cultural norms in the family? Are there family members who rebelled against the family norms? Who were the rebels? Who were the status quo people? Discuss the cultural variables in the family system and the vertical stressors that contributed to emotional load.3. Cultural Variables (Anxieties and Ambivalences)What anxieties, feelings or ambivalences do you have about your social/cultural background? What were the implicit and explicit messages communicated about your cultural heritage? How were ethnic traits and characteristics among members of the family expressed and demonstrated? What ethnic or cultural characteristics were validated and/ or celebrated? Which characteristics were purposefully suppressed, concealed ordisapproved of? Describe the factors/ experiences that help generate your anxiety/ ambivalence. Looking at the multigenerational context, what would you say are some conditions that perpetuate these feelings? Do you or any of your family members have a strong affiliation with a certain group? Would you say that group is applauded, ignored or rejected byyou, your family or by society as a whole?4. Family Life Cycle Transitions/ (Horizontal Stressors and Emotional Load)Life events will happen ready or not! Both expected and unexpected happenings are called nodal events.Unexpected events are untimely, tragic and/oreven rewarding. Illnesses or job problems, medical or psychological problems, legal problems (arrests,jail time, release from jail, loss of license, foreclosure, litigation, losing the farm, a paralyzing or fatal accident, etc.)can all take its tollon family. Seemingly rewarding surprises like coming into some money, inheriting a house, getting a good-paying job, and finding a spouse that loves God arealso nodal events. Times of cut-offs, divorces, abuse (physical, sexual, verbal/emotional, spiritual), serious accidents, house fires, or honorable militarydeaths allbecome part of the family?s emotional history. After you have identified both expected and unexpected events, discusshow these events overlap between birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, deaths,moves, etc. A nodal event can be considered overlapping with another nodal events without happening on exactly the same day or month (It can bewithin a couple of months). If one thing happened right after the next (within same year or within a year or two), this is called a sequenced eventand it is significant as well. Discuss emotional load on the family system and the horizontal stressors that play a role.5. Messages about Love and SexWhat were the messages about love and sex? Were there double standards? What was practiced? The hook up? Being married? Living Together?Permanent Fiancees?Were children conceived/born outside of marriage? Did either spouse have children born outside the marriage while the spouses werestill together?Did either spouse have outside children conceived with someone else during the time they were still married? Did men have a place ?then they didn?t? Did women have a place? Identify patterns in the multigenerational system that give evidence to the nature of relationshipsbetween men/women or even other couplings that might raise an eyebrow.Was my grandma right? Did the women folk ruin the men folk? What is theevidence in the system about whether its members are successful/ unsuccessful in love and marriage?6. Triangles, Coalitions and the Odd-Man-OutPlaying favorites, playing one against the other and playing crazy happens in almost every family. Two gang up against one. This is a coalitionof two with one odd-man-out. The odd-man-out is emotionally, socially and sometimes physically separated from the cozy two-some. This emotionalstructure is called a triangle. The two-some can be: a) two people or b) a person and a pet c) a person and the bottle, d) a person and work, e) a person and social media, f) a person and exercise or g) a person and any other attachment that pulls a person close to someone/something to the exclusion of someone else. As you consider the interactional patterns between family members in the multigenerational system, can you identify the existence of a few triangles?Discuss.7. Differentiation of Self Differentiation refers to a balance of both independence and interdependence ? separateness and connection. Murray Bowen believed the whole familysystem could be treated to create opportunity for a healthier family system with less anxiety, less stress and less reactivity. With regard todifferentiation in your family, do the roles, rules and patterns in the multigenerational system support it or make it difficult? Who are the level-headed people versus the hot heads? In powder keg families someone will blow up sooner or later because its members are made upof fuses and dynamite. These families develop pseudo-selves who are basicallypleasers and demanders. The pleasers are the fuses and the demanders are the dynamite. The fuse thinks it can prevent the dynamite from exploding by trying to keep thepeace by pretending that everything is fine. They rarely grow a back-bone and they are often the family door mats.Pleasers have lower levels ofdifferentiation and are usually frustrated and unhappy with their connections with other people. Higher levels of differentiation are found inemotionally healthy familieswhere for the most part its members are level-headed and are more likely totake ownership of their own feelings. Thesesolid selves realize that dynamite will blow regardless of what they do or don?t do, say or don?t say.Solid selves, even when they are in relationship can say, This is who I am. This is what I will do. This is what I will not do. This is the lineI will not cross for any reason.8. Power and Control In order for a family to function at all, somebody has to be at the helm. Sometimes the power is within the family hierarchy (parents) and sometimesthe children and the grandparents have the power leaving the parents powerless and ineffective. An aunt or uncle with a higher birth order than theparent can also have a similar impact of usurping a parent?s authority. Who rules the roost in your family? Discuss the lines of power and control.Give concrete examples and stories from your generation and the generations before (and after you)9. Disrespected and Disempowered Has disrespect run-a-muck in your family? Do parents basically say that it happens so often they just let it go? Who allows themselves to bemistreated more regularly? Is it the mother or the father? Are the fit throwers being conditioned to have no conscious, no self-control and nosocial skills. There really is no such thing as an out of control child. It?s the parents who are out of control. How is that? It means thatparents have opted-out of being the people to help form a conscious in their children. A child must be helped to recognize the hurt feelings theyare causing. Almost every child at some point will say, I don?t care, You make me sick or other escalations of the same sentiments. This meansthat the child too is hurting, BUT the child must also be taught that saying those things in that tone of voice is not any okay way to express pain.Repair attempts begin with, I?m sorry, but it?s more than that. It means acknowledging the pain, andworking on other ways to expressdisappointment and frustration without blaming, shaming, jamming or slamming.10. Birth OrderNo one has any control over when they exit their mother?s womb. Birth order, then, is not a choice ? it?s a given. Investigate birth order theorystarting with authors Hoops & Harper. Were first-borns treated differently than the youngest born? Was the youngest called the baby and the oldestcalled the big kid? Is it still that way 20, 30, 40, 50 years later? As you consider the marriages in your family, did the only children marryother only children? Did first-borns marry other first-borns? Did youngest in one family of origin marry the youngest in another family of origin?In other words, did the spouses seem to have the same or different birth orders in their respective families from generation to generation. Fromwhat you can see from the history of marriages in your family, is there a pattern showing the birth order couplings that worked and those that didnot work?11. Consider Parent-Child PatternsWhat are the patterns of closeness, conflict, distance and cut-off betweenMother/ son; Mother/ daughter; Father/ daughter; Father/ son, grandparentsand grandchildren, etc.?12. Child-RearingSpare the rod ? spoil the child? Do parents ever agree on how to raise the kids? Which children raised in previous generationsbecame functioning ?productive adults? Which ones would not be considered functional or productive? Why? What are the family norms for healthy adulthood?13. What happened to the money?Making the money, handling the money and spending the money instigatesat least an argument or two in any self-respecting family. What messages aboutmoney were passed down through the generations? Were there spending sprees despite budgets? Was money supposed to make everything all better? Wasmoney no object? Was the sky the limit? Was everyone always broke? If anyone in the family ever got some real money, were they expected to forksome over to the others (so everyone would eventually be broke again)? What are your observations about the role of money in your family?14. Legacies, Lies and Unresolved IssuesWhat stories were passed down from generation to generation? Who told the stories? Was it truth or fiction or a mix of a little of both? Who werethe heroes and the villains? What are some of the old unresolved issues that have been alive and well in the family for generations? What concretedisagreements, strong feelings, situations and circumstances play a role in keeping these stories alive?15. Shame, Secrets and Tight LipsLoose lips sink ships. I learned that expression in seventh grade. Is there something everyone in the family pretends not to know? Whatisforbidden to share not only publically, but with each other as well? Speak to substance abuse, trauma, physical abuse, sexual abuse,verbal/emotional abuse, suicide, attempted suicide and other harmful patterns that show up boldly through the generations? When you were puttingtogether the genogram, how reluctant were members to open up? What are your feelings about the tight lips? What insights do you have aboutprotections around the family?s personal business?16. Entries and Exits (Blended Families)Coming into a family by birth, adoption, marriage or commitment has certain expectations placed on it by the family. Changes can be introduced inexisting relationships by adopting a child, taking in a foster child or by bringing in an adult as the new mom or dad. Remarriage or multipleremarriage generally creates a conflict of expectations. The main conflict is that the family is expected to love and accept what is to them aperfect stranger. Exits have their own stories, too. What are the stories around death, divorce, abortion, accidents, kidnappings and otherdisappearances?17. Hopes and Fears (Strengths, Resilience and Remorse)If I just knew then, what I know now. Many a person in the oldest generation has been known to utter those words. What strengths can you identifyin your family of origin? What strengths have been passed down for the purpose of making life better for the next generation? Simply put, whathopes and fears do you have for the:Oldest generation Late-middle aged generation Launched generation Youngest generation For example, some members of the youngest generation have an unhealthy relationship with their electronic devises. I am currently seeing a 17 yearold client who says that she does not have much face time with her friend because they send about 10,000 texts per month. When I asked why she justdoesn?t give her friend a call, she said, Because that would be too much of a commitment.18. Being Male and Female What does it mean to be male/female in your family? What are the gender roles? What is the division of labor? Who cleans the toilets, does theyard work, prepares the meals, bathes the kids, vacuums the floors, takes care of the bills, etc., etc., etc. Are the gender roles the same ordifferent from generation to generation?19. Class Issues Has anyone ever been referred to as getting too big for their britches? Is there upward/ downward mobility in your family? Is there someone whomade it and then lost everything? Is there someone in one of the generations who was the first to get a college degree or a graduate degree? Wasthere someone in one of the generations who was the first to have a professional job instead of an entry level position?20. Job IssuesDid people in your family build businesses, work farms or look for work? Were they the last hired and the first fired? Did they have retirementpackages, severance pay or a good swift kick in the rear? What were the messages in your family regarding working for the man? Who in your familyis viewed as someone who has made it?21. FriendshipsA friend in need is a friend, indeed. Do you have friends who are always in need? What are the messages in the family about what makes a goodfriend good? Who is identified as the right crowd versus the wrong crowd? What are the roles of friends in the multigenerational family system?22. Opportunities Have you ever heard of blowing an opportunity? There is good stress and there is bad stress. The good stress helps us accomplish what we need todo. The bad stress, on the other hand, is another story. Are there stories about family members who could have, would have, should have, but theyjust didn?t make the cut? Are there stories about those who made something of themselves despite the odds? Identify the patterns in yourmultigenerational system of those who made it and those who did not make it.23. God Don?t Like Ugly What were the spiritual beliefs and saying in your family? Were they used to guide, to inspire, to comfort, to scare or what? Who had/has thespiritual leadership in your family? Does the person holding the role of spiritual leader have influence on more than one generation?24. The Family that Prays Together Stays TogetherDid your family do anything inside the home that was remotely spiritual? Were there prayers before meals and prayers before bed-time? Where therefamily praise sessions and family rituals? Who was it that first taught you to pray? What generation in your family seems the most connected to God/Jesus? Is there any generation of your family who thinks that the bible is ancient and useless?25. If the Shoe FitsWell, what if the shoe doesn?t fit? Do you mangle the foot? How often have family members been expected to squeeze into a role they can?t fulfill?Instead of a family system reconsidering their assumptions, they focus on fixing the person who is not fitting the role he/she is expected to fit.In other words, do you make someone feel bad enough to be good? What are the roles, rules and patterns that involve pushing, pulling, nagging andcajoling its members to rise to a so-called higher standard?26. Confidence and LoveAre you loved despite your imperfections or did you grow up with the message that you must be perfect in order to be loved? Who else received thesesame messages? How did they handle it? How did these messages contribute to interactional patterns such as closeness, distance, conflict and cut-off?27. Heroes and Hang-UpsIn most families, there are members who are thought well of and then- well, there are the others with their wheel-barrel full of hurts, habits andhang-ups. Are there larger than life individuals in the family and others that no one wants to claim?You made your bed so lie in it. Doesn?t that sound like a person should be punished FOREVER? Who are the identified problem solvers in the family?Who are the people who always seem to have problems that need solving?Do you see a pattern between what type of person seems to be larger-than-life? Can they be easily identified by sharing the same birth order, thesame gender or the same in-law status?Does relationship with a person from a previous generation seem to matter? For example, if a person had aconflicted relationship with a parent, are they generally failures?28. Showing is Better Than TellingRules for living are learned in every family and of coursevary from family to family. As you consider the rules that were passed down fromgeneration to generation, which ones have withstood the test of time? Which rules were helpful and which were a prescription for a dis-satisfyinglife. For example, If at first you don?t succeed, try, try, again. Really??? Isn?t that also a nice little formula for insanity? The do andrepeat cycle rarely yields a different result.29. When the Bell TollsDeath is that unavoidable transition that all born people must face. How people deal with death and dying has its own set of roles, rules andpatterns unique to each family. Who deals with the hospitalizations; talks to hospital personnel; expected to take care of the funeral arrangements?Who communicates with the extended family and puts the obituary in the paper? Who is there to give support even after the funeral/ burial? Whohelps the survivors deal with the void left by the person who died? Who are the caregivers and who helps:
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