They’re not blind. They don’t have hair on their palms. Even so, they still masturbate. Of all the topics that continually find themselves under attack, none seems to be restricted solely to quiet, taboo conversations as often as masturbation. For countless generations, this subject has been put down, looked down on, and kept behind closed doors, and no one is really sure why. “It’s immoral”, or “its dirty” are the best anyone has come up with. The latter is a matter of personal opinion, and does not necessarily represent the views of this writer, and the former is, in fact, incorrect. To see why, please, read on. Morals and ethical principles have existed for literally thousands of years, right along with civilization itself. Unfortunately for those who knock masturbation, masturbation itself has been around for a hell of a lot longer. Even so, it has always been shunned by so many as immoral. Well, let’s see. Since the time of Socrates, there have been a great many ethical systems brought to the attention of the civilized world. Let’s run masturbation through some rigorous ethical tests, and see just how immoral it really is, ok? Aristotle described “The Good” as that which all things in the universe strive to achieve. In humans, he found this good, a thing which is good in and of itself instead of just a means, to be happiness. Few will deny (mostly those who have never done it) that even for a few minutes, masturbation does in fact bring personal happiness. Masturbation causes pleasure causes happiness. Very simple. Epicurus, another great Greek, would have agreed wholeheartedly, letting the pleasure be its own reward. Epicurus believed in goodness as long term pleasure and long term absence of pain, both achieved through moderation of pleasures. Our two Greeks support masturbation. Flash forward now to some more modern ethical theories. Several great schools of ethics have emerged and are still presently used. Of those, we …

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