Spontaneous Human Combustion

1. What is the leading cause of death with lesbians? Answer: Hairballs. 2. How do you know if a blonde has been sending e-mail? Answer: You see a bunch of envelopes stuffed into her disk drive. 3. What can Life Savers do that men cant? Answer: come in five flavors. 4. What is good on pizza but bad on *censored*? Answer: Crust. 5. Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? Answer: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork. 6. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? Answer: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing. 7. What do you get when you get Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Dough Boy together? Answer: a red headed bitch with a yeast infection. 8. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh? Actual Label Instructions on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it’s *just* a suggestion!) On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (really?) On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure???Let’s experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn’t that save more time?) On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction incidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a str…

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